I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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