woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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