When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
