I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
