you're like a bully in the Christmas story
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
