he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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