For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
