Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
