Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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