I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
