I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
