i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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