someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
