what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
