Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
