the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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