I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
