I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
