Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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