Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
