nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
