I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
