Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
