she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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