whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
