Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
