He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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