Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
