He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
