He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
