I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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