I only kidnapped one of them. chill
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
