on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
