Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
