You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
