i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
