Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
