this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
