Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
