I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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