all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
