the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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