There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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