Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize