I'm so fucking centered right now
I faked an abortion last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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