Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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