chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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