I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
