Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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