Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
