FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
