So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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