I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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