The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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