I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this will be a night to untag.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
