3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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