there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
