my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
