if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
