so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
