P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude. I can hear the air.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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