This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
