You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize