Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
