Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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