sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize