Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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