so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
