i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
