Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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