I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize