Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
