Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize