I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
