Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
