Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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