I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
