I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
