Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
