I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
