sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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